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Parenting Tip – Train Delayed Gratification
No one likes to hear their child whine and complain; and worse yet, no one enjoys the parenting moments when our children throw temper tantrums! We are happiest when our children are happy. The easiest solution is to negotiate with our children to give them what will make them happy so that they will be quiet and peace can be maintained. The unfortunate reality is that rather than increase peace in the home, it actually decreases it, by causing children to return to these exasperating methods to get what they want.
Many children start school emotionally not ready for learning. Teachers can quickly identify students who are used to getting what they want through whining and tantrums, as compared to those who have been trained to listen, obey and wait patiently. Children who come from homes where parents have taught them that they can’t expect to get what they want when they want it – are those children who make a smoother transition to school. Schools are communities where the needs of other children and the routines and rules of the school naturally decrease their control over getting their own way.
Letting your child be bored for a while (ouch!)
Parents – teach your children to wait!! It is ok to have “I am bored“ time – it awakens creativity and develops character traits that come from delayed gratification, such as patience and self control.
How can you help your child learn to wait, or accept “no” when they can’t have their way?
- Teach your child not to interrupt you when you are speaking to someone else.
- Help them create a “boredom first aid kit” with activity ideas for “I am bored” times.
- Do not use technology as a cure for boredom; instead teach them waiting while talking and playing games. Use time in the car, restaurant and mall as opportunities to train their brains to function under “boredom”, without resorting to technology.
- Limit continual snacking.
- Teach your child to help and work from early years. It helps build a foundation for their future ability to work. For example, young children can help fold laundry, put away their toys and clothes, unpack groceries, set the table, and make their bed. Older children can unload the dishwasher, take out trash, wash dishes, and help dust furniture and sweep floors. Be creative. Initially make it stimulating and fun so that their brain associates it with something positive.
- Help children set achievable goals and help them make a plan to achieve them.
Model good waiting behavior. As always, children learn much more from what we do than from what we say, so work at becoming a good ‘waiter’ yourself too.